One of the hardest things for chronically ill individuals to do is to say no and mean it. We are usually twisted and turned in so many directions. And most times we just keep on going in a mind fashion.
One of the reasons why this may be the case is because our friends are not chronically ill. So, we may feel that they won’t understand us if we tell them we can’t come to an outing after certain hours because this is our time to rest and relax.
Regardless of whether your friends understand you or not, you must honor who you are and what you are going through. If you don’t feel well, you don’t have to keep on going past your limits. Instead, it is in your best interest to rest and relax and just be and tell your friends that you can’t come to their outing.
Why is it so hard to say no to our friends? Because most of us don’t want to hurt our friends. And that is an honorable reason for most of our lives before we became chronically ill. But does this attitude serve your now?
I know in my case, when I was first diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I was putting my needs on a back burner. I honored the needs of my friends. So, if they wanted to get together and go to a party that I hated anyways, I went so that I didn’t make a nuisance of myself.
But then one day, I felt I had to pause. I wondered if it was better to be inauthentic to my own needs and deny my needs in order to fit in with my friends? At first I just thought going along was honorable. But I later realized that it was detrimental to my health and well-being. So, I started to say no.
It felt awkward and stressful at first. But I came to learn that I was the most important person in this equation and I had to look out for myself. As a chronically ill individual, I knew my life would be different. And this was one prime example of it.
So, I started to stand up for myself and look my friends right in the eye, with love, and say, sorry, but I won’t be able to join you tonight or today.
Having a chronic illness requires that you are honest with what you can and cannot do with yourself and then with others. That is an important component of self-love.
Yet self-love can be so difficult to bring about. It can be hard for us to feel well enough to give ourselves the love we need. However if we don’t, who will?
Today, take a look at how you are feeling. If you’re having a hard day, please be kind to yourself by learning to say no.
Try it!
Irene Roth
Living With Chronic Illness 