Most of us go through our day and lives disconnected from ourselves, especially those deeper parts of ourselves. There are parts of us that never left us. It exists alongside us. This is our childhood self. It doesn’t mean we’re immature when we befriend our inner child. Instead, I think we become even more mature by acknowledging that playful part of who we are.
Our inner child can deeply influence how we see the world through the eyes of who we were when we were born. She can influence our intuition and how we live as well. It can impact our life and decisions as well as who we choose for a romantic partner. Yet we may be unconscious of our inner child.
We may even have several inner children as various parts of ourselves can be stuck at a certain age, from baby to adolescent.
If you struggled with childhood trauma where your emotional needs weren’t met, then your inner child might exist as a wounded, angry, shame-filled self and now who feels just as you did when you were the age these experiences occurred.
So, why dos this becoming aware of your inner child matter when you’re chronically ill? It matters because when you have ongoing pain and fatigue, you need to nurture yourself from the inside out. And this means getting to know your inner child.
Here are some ways to get to know your inner child:
- Learn to listen to your inner child. She is like any small person. She needs attention. She needs to be listened to. She needs a chance to share her fears, joys, and desires.
Try to set aside time regularly, even if it’s just 5 minutes a day, to listen to your inner child and listen to what she has to say. This an be through meditation, going for a walk, or writing a letter to your inner child. Or, just sit still and listen. The key is to imagine that your adult self is talking to your younger self in a loving way, as you would to a child. Ask your child how she’s feeling right now. Ask her what she needs right now.
- Commit to taking care of your inner child’s needs. Your inner child needs to know that you’re looking out for her. If your inner child can’t depend on you, you can’t develop a strong relationship with her. Try to become a safe shelter for your inner child. Learn what she needs most at different times. For instance, does she need comfort, protection, limits, boundaries, fun? You must show your inner child that she can rely on you for these things.
- Start a practice of daily check-ins with your inner child. See what’s bothering her. If you’re scared and your stomach hurts, your inner child may be trying to get your attention.
- Take your inner child seriously. A child’s concerns are very important. So, commit to paying attention to your younger self. Look for ways you may be invalidating her, even now.. even if her worries seem irrational, you must hold her in your love. As you build trust with your inner child, you’ll develop a deeper relationship with her.
- Get curious about your feelings about your inner child. Does she make you feel angry, shame or judgmental at times? Are you frustrated with her? If so, try to be more self-compassionate towards her.
- Connect with a therapist. Inner child work isn’t always easy, especially if you had a difficult time during your younger years. You can have wounds that weren’t processed. This is why getting support from a compassionate professional is so important.
By taking these steps, you’ll be befriending your inner child and getting to know your needs more. And this will help you cope a lot better with your chronic illness and will help you to take special care of yourself on those hardest days.
Living With Chronic Illness 